OK firstly, I'm Fat....no actually I'm Morbidly Obese. I get pointed at, mocked and laughed about. People attempt to destroy me to make themselves feel better. Clothes can be hard to get, seats can be hard to sit in. Outdoor cafe seating is one of the worst for me, those arms on the seat mean I have to perch or get bruises. I fly for work a decent amount and dealing with "ASP's" (angry skinny people) is not fun, but static arm seats are the worst. I recently flew to England for work and ended up with massive hematoma's on my thighs from premium economy.
I started getting fat when I came into puberty. I was always tall and larger than other girls, but I was fairly sporty. The taller I got the more people commented on my weight. I got to the point where I was convinced I was larger than I was and so in the end fulfilled the prophecy. Ive had a very involved life. Ive succeeded further than I think people would expect of a fat chic.
Fast forward through the years of yo yo dieting, giving up, overeating, hidden binging, trying really strict regimes and actually putting on weight. I even went on the optifast 3 meal replacement shakes a day diet and put on weight. Basically I am now at a point that I'm almost scared to loose weight because I don't know who I will become. My weight is so ingrained in my personality and life and friendships, who will I be, what will I be. I never want to be Skinny, I just want to be healthy, live long, love long and feel the freedom. I definitely do not want to become an ASP.
So this blog/journal is going to be my outlet. I am going to include pictures (which will be de-identified), talk about food, exercise, emotions, memories, and experiences. I guess this will be my weight loss journey, my lifestyle change, my defatisation....my choice to save my life.
I will make no promises and tell no lies.
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